Talk dirty to me. Oh did I say dirty? I meant CLEARLY!!!

Today in Birmingham Connor, Noddy, Chris and I decided to go to KFC for lunch. I ordered a "Wicked Zinger Meal" because I had a fancy for a burger and some hotwings. I thought it was a bit curious that the guy didn't question me on what drink I wanted and wasn't even aware the meal came with a side, however as he turned with a tray bearing my meal, a corn on the cob and a 7up I immediately realised that what he actually must have said was "I do not care what your preference in drink or side order is and without even questioning you upon it am going to decide for you and there is nothing you can bloody well do about it Cracker". What I mean by "realised" is that I filled in the blank areas of our conversation with what he would have said had he been in a communicative mood. I put the issue right by requesting he swap the 7up for a coke but as his manager started to penalise him on it I took pity, leaning over the counter exclaiming it was my fault for not listening and not even mentioning that despite my affinity for corn on the cob I would've preferred gravy as my side. But at least I got the right drink.



I have a feeling that as he was taking my order he mumbled something inaudibly and I responded by simply restating my order in a louder clearer tone (I'M ENGLISH GODDAMNIT AND ITS THE ONLY WAY THEY UNDERSTAND). This brings me on to the point I wanted to make: linguistic barriers. It is my assumption that the black lad serving me was English, his parents were most likely English and even his grandparents may have been, people of various different ethnic and cultural backgrounds have been settling in England for the large part of the last hundred years . What caused me to misunderstand/not hear him was that whatever it was he did say he must have said it fast and with little pause as I didn't even catch him say it.



The Linguistic barriers I'm talking about therefore are in fact ones within our own language, when regional accents make people hard to understand. The embarrassment caused by this is only ever compounded when the individual I have misheard is of a different ethnic background, I don't know why but I'm always afraid that when I ask them to repeat them self they may presume I am by some backwards and twisted way being racist. The idea that it is the multi-cultural society we live in that makes potential racism such a taboo is nothing new but clearly it still has effect. To that end I would suggest that everyone in the English speaking world should have to, by international law, listen to endless recordings of me talking so that they begin to pick up my mannerisms and accent. By no means am I suggesting that I am any more articulate than any other English speaking individual or that my accent is any closer to 'Proper Queen's English' and I'm sure that anyone not from the area would simply hear me as a total Brummie but you know what? This is my damn blog and my damn fantasy so the people are gonna learn to talk like me and just as today I had no choice in my side order, you will have no choice who's voice I imagine the English speaking world to mimic.