Talk dirty to me. Oh did I say dirty? I meant CLEARLY!!!

Today in Birmingham Connor, Noddy, Chris and I decided to go to KFC for lunch. I ordered a "Wicked Zinger Meal" because I had a fancy for a burger and some hotwings. I thought it was a bit curious that the guy didn't question me on what drink I wanted and wasn't even aware the meal came with a side, however as he turned with a tray bearing my meal, a corn on the cob and a 7up I immediately realised that what he actually must have said was "I do not care what your preference in drink or side order is and without even questioning you upon it am going to decide for you and there is nothing you can bloody well do about it Cracker". What I mean by "realised" is that I filled in the blank areas of our conversation with what he would have said had he been in a communicative mood. I put the issue right by requesting he swap the 7up for a coke but as his manager started to penalise him on it I took pity, leaning over the counter exclaiming it was my fault for not listening and not even mentioning that despite my affinity for corn on the cob I would've preferred gravy as my side. But at least I got the right drink.



I have a feeling that as he was taking my order he mumbled something inaudibly and I responded by simply restating my order in a louder clearer tone (I'M ENGLISH GODDAMNIT AND ITS THE ONLY WAY THEY UNDERSTAND). This brings me on to the point I wanted to make: linguistic barriers. It is my assumption that the black lad serving me was English, his parents were most likely English and even his grandparents may have been, people of various different ethnic and cultural backgrounds have been settling in England for the large part of the last hundred years . What caused me to misunderstand/not hear him was that whatever it was he did say he must have said it fast and with little pause as I didn't even catch him say it.



The Linguistic barriers I'm talking about therefore are in fact ones within our own language, when regional accents make people hard to understand. The embarrassment caused by this is only ever compounded when the individual I have misheard is of a different ethnic background, I don't know why but I'm always afraid that when I ask them to repeat them self they may presume I am by some backwards and twisted way being racist. The idea that it is the multi-cultural society we live in that makes potential racism such a taboo is nothing new but clearly it still has effect. To that end I would suggest that everyone in the English speaking world should have to, by international law, listen to endless recordings of me talking so that they begin to pick up my mannerisms and accent. By no means am I suggesting that I am any more articulate than any other English speaking individual or that my accent is any closer to 'Proper Queen's English' and I'm sure that anyone not from the area would simply hear me as a total Brummie but you know what? This is my damn blog and my damn fantasy so the people are gonna learn to talk like me and just as today I had no choice in my side order, you will have no choice who's voice I imagine the English speaking world to mimic.

Ed Fucking Sheeran and the Nando's restaurant group.

More and more recently I have been seeing and hearing the name "Ed Sheeran". This particular individual was first brought to my attention during a period I can roughly pin down as 'some time this summer' by a couple of different people who tried to show me or link me to a video of him 'jamming' with a man called Example (who looks alot like Luke Edwards). From what I've seen Mr Sheeran looks and sounds like any run of the mill busker, he sings and plays the acoustic guitar in no unusual or exotic fasion. I wasn't really bothered by this at the time, I thought "well theres the next big fad lets just wait for it to ripen and come to fruition". Well now it has and to be perfectly honest its starting to get annoying. Wonder and amazement at this ginger specimen is becoming more and more common and as with almost every passing musical fad it is entirely unjust. I'm not saying Sheeran isn't talented, far from it and who would I be to make that judgment? What I am however saying is is that the ability to sing in tune and play the guitar is nothing new or uncommon. There are millions of people worldwide who can do it just as well and I would go as far as to say that a capacity for the musical may well be one of the most common basic human traits, most people just don't know they can do it or never fully explore their potential. However credit where its due, whatever four leafed clover or obsessive compulsive avoidence of cracked pavements, black cats and ladders is fueling the man's wave of good luck seems to be doing its job perfectly. This time next year he will be sitting on a pile of cash big enough to fund his own private island and he is already rapidly becoming a household name. He'll have a few passing years in the spotlight and then he will become just another of society's has beens. Well best of luck I say, if everyone doesnt blow their cash on him they will just end up blowing it all on some other lucky individual.

Mmm Chicken.... 

All these thoughts of Ed 'Nothing out of the ordinary' Sheeran's Nando's jam has got me thinking about the restaurant. A few weeks before Christmas I (a Nando's noob) and several friends (also Nando's noobs) decided to pop in for lunch while Christmas shopping. If I'm honest when I left I felt a bit disapointed. The chicken was not as gorgeous or amazingly flavoursome as I had hoped it would be and each time is has come up in conversation since I (and Rob if he's present) have voiced our belief that it is over-rated. However a conversation yesterday with Wardy (a regular Nando's goer) has changed my opinion from negative back up to undecided. When I asked him what he liked about it he described how he puts on a certain flavoured sauce of his preference then the "hot" peri-peri sauce. I may have missed the entire point of Nando's but when I went I was unaware of the customisable options and now I feel as if I may have been robbed of the potential enjoyment of my meal. I'd like to return to Nando's for round two except this time in the company of some more experienced companians to guide me correctly through the chickeny experience. No complaints about about the "bottomless" drinks though, infinite soft drinks is fine by me.

My first blog entry

Right so I'm starting this because I seem to spend the majority of my free time just sitting and thinking with no actual expression of these thoughts (apart from talking to myself aloud for hours on end but we wont discuss that yet). Whats on my mind right now? As you may or may not know one of my very favourite bands is Månegarm.

Månegarm are often labelled as a "Black, Viking, Folk Metal" band and to be honest I think that description summs them up perfectly. Their most recent album Nattväsen is easily in my top 5 albums of all time list which I'm sure I will mention multiple times in the posts to come (should this blog see any continuity). Before I get into a music rant I'll get straight to the point, checked out "Wolfthorn" a little while ago http://www.myspace.com/wolfthornuk. They are good and the few tracks they have on myspace plus this live video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hiq22bg0TXQ made me decide to spend the reasonable £5 on their EP at once. By which I mean in the morning. From the small but tasty nugget of music I have so far extracted I'm hearing similarities to my beloved Månegarm but with fun progressive influences. I look forward to seeing more of their music in the near future.

The parents are off to London upon the morrow however only for the period of about twelve hours. This means the adventurous freedom of a free house wont have time to cultivate but I will still have to cook my own food for a day. Having said that wardy mentioned getting pizza and I find that idea to be, in the words of JME: "Moesh"

I can imagine quite enjoying all this blogging business but being as I've already forgotten my username (I think it was just my email address) and my password there's no telling how long it will last. For now though, fingers crossed.